I can't believe how scared I am. Holy shit. My anxiety is off the charts, and it's over something that is actually of no consequence whatsoever. That's the part that makes me laugh and keeps me relatively sane. It's all so freaking absurd, really it is. I mean, COME ON. Yes, yes, yes, I've worked hard and it's going to be tough and blah blah blah, but WHO CARES? It's a totally made up thing. It's not cancer, it's not violence, it's not the Kardashians or any of these truly scary things. I'm not worried about getting hurt, or anything that matters. Not even worried about not finishing. A little worried about being so uncomfortable for so long. Mostly just terrified. It's like I feel when I fly: I'm not actually scared of dying, I'm just scared of being that scared.
I'm also scared of my own mind. How kind will I be to myself tomorrow? We'll just have to see.
Scott Layton, Ironman athlete, coach and hypnotherapist |
Back to the hotel, where this rather fit fellow and I met in the parking lot and hit it off. I said no to the 4:00 movie because I have to be asleep at 7:00, and, well. But still. Hallelujah.
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